This is a “get real” post- no shopping, no fashion, no links. This is me- open, honest, reality.
I’m sad. I’m upset. I’m hurt. I’m angry. But most of all, I’m very very sad.
MS strikes again. You see, it destroys. It affects more than just the body. It is more than just the physical symptoms you see.
MS affects my very ability to think. MS affects my very ability to talk and communicate. I struggle to get my thoughts and brain to “work right.” I struggle to get words from my head out of my mouth. And sometimes, sometimes, they don’t come out right.
I live feeling like my head is full of clouds and my brain is working in sludge. And when I try to make my brain work in sludge, yeah, it doesn’t always want to make sense, cooperate, and sometimes isn’t even appropriate.
At times when I talk or other forms of communication I cannot make my words come out right. They either stumble, don’t make sense, I can’t find the right word, I say the wrong thing at the wrong time, or I even say something backwards, out of context, or inappropriate.
I can’t control my brain or my talk or communicate anymore. You see, the MS has taken over that too. It reeks havoc and does what it wants, when it wants, and I never know when it will strike.
People don’t understand this. They don’t understand this part of MS. Often times people don’t even know MS affects the Cognitive areas. And even if they do, they cannot fathom what it is like.
And so it destroys. My mind, my words, my life, my relationships, my heart. And I lose. I lose people as a result. And I’m sad.
But I will not give up and I will not give in. I will continue to fight MS and I will continue to seek healing and continue to do all that I can to get well. MS doesn’t have me.
Blessed, Aimee๐
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